encouragement from someone who has been through the fire

Tag: help

  • Antidote

    Antidote

    The sermon in our church this Sunday was about running a good race, leaving behind things that hinder and pressing on towards the prize. We really enjoyed it and got a lot from it. Interestingly, the part of the sermon that caught some people’s attention was not actually the verses from Hebrews 12. Strangely, it was when one of our elders who was speaking today passed round a laminated sheet of paper that he confessed was a bit corny that I took closer notice. It was simply a large black Nike swoosh logo. Many of us were able to correctly define the slogan that used to go with it as ‘just do it.’ He was not asking us to go home and forget about putting into practice his teaching, nor try this week or even tomorrow. He meant from today, he meant from now. So that is what I am aiming to do.

    I have chosen to focus on the part of the message about:    

     ‘Letting go of every wound that has pierced us and the sin we so easily fall into.’ (Hebrews 12: 2. Passion translation.)

    For me one of the main things that hinders me in my walk with Jesus is my unwillingness or inability to forgive those who have hurt me in the past. I often think this is not an issue. But I think if I am really honest, it is so much of an issue that I have normalised it and often do not notice it anymore. That, of course, can cause untold strongholds in my mind and emotions. I have allowed bitterness to seep in, and it has affected some of my relationships and general attitudes in life. It has become a poison. From feeling hard done by and wronged by people in my life it has become me that has been negatively affected the most. It becomes a sort of self-sabotage or even self-destructive attitude on my part. And this in turn must have negative impact on those I interact with.

    But this morning as the rest of our day ticked on, my wife and I considered how to proceed in-light-of the wise words from the pulpit today. In my case I have chosen to work on forgiveness, and to seek to learn how to do this deeply and unconditionally. It may be the first time I have tried to do this unreservedly, and no doubt it will throw up difficult emotions. I pray that God will help me through the process, and lead me to a place where I can begin to invest in stronger, more natural relationships with those I love and create better family times and better communication from me.

    I do need to lighten up, and if this process enables that to flow more naturally it could, I hope, open-up new doors in other areas too. I am looking forward with anticipation to a brighter, easier, and less anxious future.

    I may be just giddy about a fresh idea from an elder who likes to preach candidly and with frank honesty. My response may not turn out to be a lasting one. But I do think that this, (among other things I am listening to and attempting to put into practice,) will help get me moving again. I have been stagnant and stuck for too long. It is time to aim for a greater understanding of victories to come. And to be better able to bless others along the way.

    Is there anything you are holding on to that is too heavy for you? It is painful, I know. But Jesus’s burden is light, He can carry you through and help you move on too. He is justice, and has as much care as we do over wrongs and unfair circumstances. He will one day put all those right. But sometimes He needs us to forgive, forget and move on.

  • Battle ready

    I experienced interesting pictures while in quiet time this morning with my wife. We had been reading and praying about new beginnings and fresh starts in the Word and devotional notes. We had spent time chatting about this topic earlier this morning too. The pictures were of a knight putting on armour and his armoured metal helmet went on last. It was very vibrant and strangely real. In the next picture there were strange, frightening monsters being rounded up and locked away in a cell. As we prayed more and I spoke of what I had experienced a few minutes earlier, I felt that one interpretation could be of me ( or us) putting on our spiritual armour as described in        Ephesians: 6.10-18. The helmet of course covers the head, and is described as protection for the mind. The monsters were perhaps intrusive thoughts, dark whispers, demonic attacks. With the full armour on, these monsters no longer have any power or influence. They are disarmed and taken away by God.

    Another verse that came to mind was about taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, (2 Corinthians 10:5.) and I thought that this tied in with the monsters being locked away. This verse also talks about repenting of ungodly thoughts and surrendering instead to obedience to God.

    Much of this was vaguely familiar to me, and people tell me often to put my armour on. I try to listen, and I do pray it on when I remember. I’ve been reminded these last few weeks of the consequences of not doing it though. The whispers are deceitful and persuasive. I often get taken in by them, and they get louder as I pay them attention.

    We prayed a lot about strategies for being more alert and driven to be closer to Jesus. We have made a choice to pursue this relationship more. Not making grandiose goals or plans to have it all as we expect it to be in record time. Just small baby steps with our Father in heaven, to be led into a better place, closer together and closer to Him.

    In this battle that we all find ourselves, it is easy to think that even with the full armour we still do it by our own strength. Even strength in numbers through house group or church, which of course is essential too. But we are reminded that not only is the battle the Lord’s, but the victory is not dependant on success through any current struggle, problem, or battle in daily life. It has already been won at Calvary. We serve the One who is all-victorious. We serve the King.

  • Level Of Potential

    Level Of Potential

    It has been a few weeks of some deep depression, and it’s been difficult to cling on to any sort of hope. I know that God is there, that He is here. But I can’t see Him, or even be aware of Him a lot of the time. The blessings I have been gifted with are all around: my beautiful,  godly wife; our spacious home in a lovely town, with lots of stunning beaches nearby. From the outside, people must wonder what’s wrong with me. To be honest it’s like that from the inside too. I really don’t know what’s wrong. But every day is a struggle, some just to get out of bed.

    Recently there have been lots of examples when I have had responsibilities to take care of my wife, our home, helping with things. It is all too much a lot of the time. I just withdraw from people, and the awful things that I think they are saying and thinking about me. Intrusive thoughts or actual whispers, I’m not always sure. But they are intense, and they never really leave. Even around friends and trusted colleagues at work.

    The last few days have been slightly easier, I’m getting up out of bed, going to work and trying to do things I enjoy. But the thoughts and other symptoms are still there most of the time.

    I’m not at risk, but often there is no obvious solution, or is it just going to be a long process? How long will it be? At what point does peace of mind and any sort of comfort around people begin? Where does confidence come from?

    People tell me to pray constantly, and to put on the full armour of God. These things I often do, sometimes I forget. But they often make no difference. I’m a believer in Jesus without the basics. Hope, peace, joy. What does that say about me? I don’t doubt that God can and does heal, he has healed me physically in the past. At times I’m not sure he will heal my mind and emotions though. And that’s hard.

    To others going through similar things, I don’t have any real answers. There are things that help, like relaxation techniques, keeping communication open with close friends and family, turning to God with honesty and persistence, seeking professional help, if needed. But beyond treating the symptoms I am not sure where full restoration comes sometimes, it’s a waiting game, like the apostle Paul, some of us have a thorn in our side that we need to live around.

    I think it was the late evangelist, Bob Gass that once said that “…the level of attack only reveals the level of our potential…”

    I guess many people have a huge amount of potential.

  • A whisper in the dark

    Most of the time I don’t know what to type for this blog. I try to write short poems, some rambles. Some things seem to work, most don’t. I pray to be led by the Holy Spirit and ask for words to flow. For something that will bless others, something that will touch a heart or two. This is especially true in the moments that I feel that bits of my story could help someone. Well, that’s what I try for anyway.

    Yet there is usually silence from God. Maybe he has nothing for me just now. Maybe I am not listening right. Maybe this sort of thing takes practice. Whatever the reasons or purposes yet undisclosed, I do feel the need to share something.

    My story is one of great personal and family struggles. Of some very dark moments, some glimmers of hope, some more darkness. Lots of not listening for God’s voice and not looking for help in times of need and distress.

    There have been encounters with all sorts of people, from those who sought to destroy me, and those who showed me unconditional love through pained rebellion. It has not been easy, even when blessings have been bountiful, my attitude and focus has often been on the negatives. I do regret that. I’m working on changing that. But I do know that Jesus is patient, and his forgiveness is always on offer.

    To anyone going through shadows or sadness. To anyone lost in despair or hopelessness. I know what it’s like. I often sink back into it and let the lows take hold. But I have also known the beauty of God’s grace, a voice calling out to me to let Him help and mould me into the man that He made me to be.

    He wants to mould you too, whether you already know Him or not. He doesn’t promise things will be easy. I know that all too well. But the calling is to trust the maker of all, with all you have, and all that He will teach you, as He is gradually teaching me.

    He’s calling you home.

  • Fresh start

    Fresh start

    I’ve been blogging for a few years, but it was always a bit half-hearted. My blogs contained some deep and personal things. Sometimes the posts would contain things I felt were led by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I just rambled. Hopefully, this new blog will be more of the former, being led by God. I’ll try and keep it more focussed while attempting to not have it too heavy either. The aim is to have more regular posts, and I’ll try and read more on here too. There will be a mix of poetry and Christian ramblings here. A flavour of my experience trying to live for Jesus. It’s not easy, it may never be, but I know the One who holds together the galaxies and stars. He can cope with you and me. This is chapter one of a book with torn pages. Torn, but not destroyed.